I'm in complete despair

[waterwatcher123]

22. Sounds like an incredibly difficult situation

If you have evidence of 1 and 3, speak with the County Attorney and see if they will help bring charges to recover some of the assets pilfered by the so-called friend. Most states have authorities they can use to help protect individuals against exploitation by "friends" or individuals who manipulate older adults.

Has your family considered an assisted living facility? They are quite expensive to say the least. But it might be possible to cobble together a significant part of the cost through Social Security payments, pensions, and other sources of revenue (investments, military pensions, rental income, etc.). Medicaid has stringent rules about assets before they will allow an individual to enroll in the program (typically around $3000.00 in liquid assets). Medicaid will cover the costs over and above the income of the patient for a skilled nursing facility (nursing home or assisted living facilities typically qualify). They (counties typically administer Medicaid on a local level) will then try to recover the total care costs if anything of value remains in the estate when the patient passes. Your family can reduce the overall costs by insisting that every hospitalization episode be billed to Medicare (could be thousands of dollars). You can also apply for special pensions like the Aid and Attendance pension through the Veterans Administration if either parent served in the military during an active conflict.

Best wishes as your family struggles through this incredibly tricky situation. I have been there too (with the exception of the substance abuse) and it is so difficult for everyone involved. But there are programs to help lighten the load for caregivers. The programs require a lot of paperwork. However, it is possible to get decent care for a loved one without completely crushing everyone involved.