Should I or should I not go?

[bmichaelh]

My mother recently passed away and am trying to decide whether or not to attend the funeral.

Growing up, she was physically and emotionally abusive.

I was forced to go to a school where I was bullied for 11 years.

Sympathy she showed me was later in life when I was diagnosed with Chron's and later lymphoma.

She was MAGA to the core; a racist and hatred of LGBTQ people.

[werdna]

1. This is a personal decision you must make.

In my opinion funerals/memorials are for the living to celebrate the deceased's life and/or aid in the mourning process. Do you want or need either or both?

[Freddie]

2. Stay home

She didn’t respect you in life. Why does she deserve respect now?

[littlemissmartypants]

3. It's your ultimate decision...

I wouldn't. ❤️

[UpInArms]

4. It is your choice

The only thing that I can add to your thought process is that, in my life, the only things that I regret are the things I did not do, as generally, they were opportunities missed.

[Omnipresent]

5. I thought about that, when my cousins didn't attend my mom's funeral.

They didn’t care for my mom, but by not attending, i felt they were somehow punishing me and my siblings for something or somethings she did. We had no control over her behavior.
I believe funerals are not only about honoring the dead, but showing compassion and love for family and friends that are still alive.

[Scrivener7]

6. I did attend the funeral of my abuser. I am glad I did. It was a way to shut the door on it and a

threshold from which to move forward.

But every situation is different. What do you want to do?

[justaprogressive]

7. Did you get to say ALL

the things you needed to tell her?:

Telling your abuser to her face is recommended for closure.

[snowybirdie]

8. Please go

Even though she disappointed you in life, you need to go for your peace of mind.

[murielm99]

9. I went to my abusive mother's funeral.

My only living brother did not attend. None of her seven grandchildren attended. Only one aunt and uncle attended.

The largest group represented were people from her church.

I don't have to be hateful just because she was.

[Clouds Passing]

10. I didn't go to my abusive mother's funeral. And I do not feel bad about my decision.

[bmichaelh]

11. Leaning toward not going

It will probably be a day of decision.

If I go, there will be a lot of hypocrisy going on, especially the religious kind.

I am not in the best of health.

Although, I am in complete remission of lymphoma, when it returned in 2019, it returned near my spinal column.
And it may have created long term back problems.

OT: If I had the money i would emigrate to Germany or Europe or Canada.
There is some promising back treatment developed by a German pharmaceutical company.

[No Vested Interest]

12. If you choose to not go to the funeral, you might consider sending a note to family members

explaining that your health did not permit it at this time.
You can be as vague 56. 1



noting their loss and your inability to attend due to health considerations.
Then you can put the whole incidence behind you and move on.