I've always gotten along with my friends' boyfriends and husbands

[MIButterfly]

They were nice men and I genuinely liked them. My best friend's current boyfriend is the scum of the earth and that's the nicest thing I can say about him. He's a career criminal who has been in and out of prison his entire adult life. He's currently out on bond, which she paid for. He went from a jail cell to a beautiful home where he eats her food, drives her car and the only pot he has to piss in is hers. I met him once and that was one time too many. If I saw him walking toward me, I'd cross the street to avoid passing him on the sidewalk. That's how scary-looking he is. I have no idea what she sees in him. She's always been intelligent, independent and responsible; now she's none of those things. I think he tries to control every aspect of her life and I just don't get it. Did I mention he's also 15 years younger than she is? I think he's using her and taking advantage of her generous nature and this whole thing is not going to end well.

I'm not the only one who feels this way. Other people are worried about her too. I tried to talk to her about it once, but she just dismissed everything I had to say. I haven't brought it up again because I don't want to be a nag about it. I'm also afraid it would push her closer to him.

She lives about three hours away from me. Since he's been around, she doesn't communicate with me as much as she used to. The only time we ever talk on the phone is if she's in the car coming down here to visit her family. Her texts are few and far between (although I text her all the time) and it's usually late at night when I assume he's sleeping.

In the beginning, I was worried and scared for her. I still feel that way for the most part but a few times lately I've been really mad about it. I mean, seriously pissed. It's like she doesn't care about anybody or anything else in the world except him. We have 60 years behind us. 6-0. That's a lifetime and now I feel like I don't even know her. I'm also afraid I'm losing her and there's nothing I can do about it. It's breaking my heart.

[usonian]

1. I think that some people just react to flattery, and as we get older, who knows?

I don't have that problem.

So I won't say more, especially if money is involved, and when isn't it?

[NJCher]

2. I had to part ways

With a friend over a somewhat similar situation. Nowhere near as bad as this. My friend is super talented, creative, intelligent, and witty. She would choose ordinary men and I couldn’t stand it.

[live love laugh]

3. Sounds dangerous. I wish the best for her.

[MIButterfly]

13. Thank you, live laugh love

l feel like all I can do is wait for her to come to her senses, which I don't see happening any time soon.

[Skittles]

4. may I ask, how did these two meet?

to better assess, thanks

[MIButterfly]

9. This is the most unbelievable part to me

Her son's father was in jail (that's a whole other story) and for some reason, he asked this guy to be some kind of liaison between him and my friend. So she started talking to this loser on the phone and the next thing I know, she's bailing him out of jail and moving him into her house! And if that doesn't beat all, I don't know what does!

Yikes!

[Skittles]

14. scary

not a lot of rational thinking going on, for sure

how old is her son, and does he know about this?

[MIButterfly]

15. Sadly, her son passed away last year. He was only 37

She started seeing the felon in 2024 and her son had met him. I don’t know if he knew the story of how they met, though. His father may have told him; I don't know. She doesn't tell me anything anymore. It's like pulling teeth to get her to respond to a text and she hardly says anything when she does.

[Skittles]

16. oh my

sounds like her life has become a bit of a trainwreck

all I can say is don't give up on her, even if it's just the occasional text.......I feel for you, very difficult situation indeed

[Figarosmom]

5. It's the age difference

She's enamored with.

[MIButterfly]

10. I don't know what she's enamored wirh

because I can't see anything even remotely attractive about him. I used to see men that looked like him in store parking lots and wonder what woman on God's green earth would be attracted to someone like that. I now have my answer.

[mopinko]

17. yup. i had a brief fling w a much younger guy.

it’s intoxicating. let him get away w crap i never wd have when i was younger. (nothing terrible.)
it didnt last long, but i’m lonelier now than i was b4 him.
it’s easy to feel like you’re never gonna find love again when you’re in your 70’s. esp if health shit leaves u isolated.

[Haggard Celine]

6. Sorry to hear that.

It hurts to lose a friend, especially when you get older and friends start dying on you. i would hate to be in your situation, because I would probably tell her off for being stupid, and that would probably make her stop talking to you altogether. In some ways, though, it would probably make you feel better to say what you really feel. Tell her she'd better watch her money, because that's what that piece of shit is after.

[BurnDoubt]

8. Tell her how YOU feel...

And make sure she knows how you feel about HER, and that you’re here when she needs you. Talking about HIM is sure to alienate her.
Leave the door open for her and let her know she’s always Welcome.
Easy for me to say, but that seems to be the only way to navigate this.
You’re a good friend and that’s what she needs to know.

[MIButterfly]

11. I have told her how I feel and I only talked about him one time

and I never brought him up again. I've tried to make it clear to her that what I say to her is out of love and concern for her. I've told her more than once that I'm always here for her no matter what. But I may as well stand in front of a mirror and say it to myself. No matter what I say or how I try to word it, she takes offense and gets defensive.

[calimary]

7. Sorry to hear what this is putting you through, MIButterfly.

If nothing else, you can ALWAYS post about it here, and/or try to work through it here. I’m rock-solid certain you’ll find MANY fellow travelers who can sympathize AND empathize with you. There’s A LOT of hard-won wisdom available here from which you can learn and take comfort. And it’s always freely given, with love and care.

Here’s a hug! ((((( * )))))

[MIButterfly]

12. Thank you for your kind words, calimary

Right now, there have been texts flying back and forth because no matter what I say or how kindly I try to say it, she takes offense to it. I don’t know what to say. I don't want to say anything that I'll regret because right now I'm seriously pissed off about the whole situation and it's taking every ounce of self-control I have within me not to scream at her "WTF is wrong with you?"