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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsOK, I have HAD it with minimalist shaming!!!! I love my stuff!
I am sick to death of being told that I need to throw out all my stuff before I die.
No, I don't!!! I just have to have a PLAN (I.E. a will!!)
Anything of value, will go to someone I will name who can keep it or sell it.
The rest will be donated.
Yeah, my heirs will have to box it up, or hire someone to do so, but you know what?
They can suck it up, because they'll be getting $$ from the sale of my house, other funds I have, or the stuff of value that I have.
I am from now on going to enjoy the stuff I have, because I enjoy it!
My books, my art, my records and CDs, DVDs, my collectibles, my Great-Grandmother's china, and my great-great grandmother's quilts.
Maybe I don't use them on a daily basis, so what?
Knowing that they are there (on display) and seeing them makes me happy.
Fuck Marie Kondo and all the rest!!!
Stop telling folks they can't keep what makes them happy!
(This is NOT about the mental disease of hoarding, that is something else entirely. This is about the "live in a sterile hotel room" shit that keeps getting preached by these so-called "experts" that want you to hire them to do Swedish Death Cleaning).
enid602
(9,678 posts)I so agree with this thinking. Unfortunately I have four half flights of stairs connecting four levels and a mezzanine. Spectacular views. I will miss it some day when I go single level.
littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)Deuxcents
(26,782 posts)I asked her why she wouldnt give some of that stuff away..she had dentures but a waterpic, electric toothbrushes in the bathroom, for example. She told me her xhusband had lied to her for a long time about a storage unit they had with her grandmothers things, mementos from her younger sister that had passed away and lots of other personal items and the storage place had long auctioned off their unit so she felt safe with her things close by. I was so upset. At myself mostly because I stuck my nose in None of your Business and that lesson has never been forgotten. Live your life as your please and with whatever pleases you. These experts have no idea who we are or the circumstances. Be yourself and be happy 🌺
Coventina
(29,677 posts)The summer I turned 11, my family moved from Seattle (heaven) to Phoenix (hell).
We were homeless in Seattle (well, squatting in a church basement) so we didn't have a lot to move.
But we packed it all up, and left it to drive to Phoenix in our family car.
Months later, my mom & dad were able to drive back, rent a U-Haul, and bring our stuff down.
My relatively few dolls and stuffed animals I had eagerly awaited were missing. My dad said that my mom decided that I was too old for toys and donated them all.
I have mourned them ever since.
Deuxcents
(26,782 posts)It was traumatic for you and those things have a way of staying with us into adulthood. Cherish your memories and the things that surround you to make you happy.
Coventina
(29,677 posts)My paternal grandmother, growing up in the Depression, had two dolls.
One was "old", she'd had it since her own infancy.
The other had been just gifted to her on her last birthday.
The family was going to move to Texas from Arizona (a move that didn't end up happening).
And her father made her give up one of her dolls, she could only take one.
She ended up sacrificing the older doll for the newer one.
But she mourned that choice the rest of her life.
She was still talking about it in her 90s.
Deuxcents
(26,782 posts)Niagara
(11,801 posts)I recently told one of my adult children that they were going to be so mad at me when they have to go through all my things. They really surprised me and made a positive comment about all the cool stuff that they would discover in my Niagara hoard.
It's alright to enjoy and be content with your treasures!
I recently decluttered a homemade teapot, sugar and creamer set that I rescued from heavy trash day. These items were bulky and I really didn't have a place to put them. So I decided to donate them.
I also decluttered about 5 pairs of pants that were 2 to 3 sizes now too large for me. I have many more too large of clothing to go through as I don't need it anymore. Things get complicated with weight changes and attempting to declutter clothing that one once wore and liked is difficult for me. It's a slow process.
I also donated some dress boots that I've had since 1999? They're nice looking boots but they didn't fit anymore. They had a slight heel on them too. I'd rather my feet be flat on the ground these days!
On another note, it's okay to donate items that no longer serve any purpose!
calimary
(89,930 posts)That was a huge sacrifice for me.
Id been one of the first women to get in years ago, when the whole industry was almost literally male-only. I LOVED that job! I was good at it, and I had the recognition AND awards Id earned. AND Id made permanent in that job, which meant that I could have stayed in til just last Friday if I felt like it. It was a great gig, and I loved what it said about me in the industry. And I gave that up. ALL of it. For my kids.
So, okay then. After Im gone, itll be THEIR turn. THEY can clean up whatever mess Ill have left behind, and claim whatever there is, of value. Thats the price THEYLL pay.
Seems pretty doggone fair to me.
StarryNite
(12,104 posts)I get so sick and tired of people telling other people what to do! I'm in my seventies and I will do what I damn well please until I am no longer able.
Warpy
(114,585 posts)and either fall into TV or sit there scrolling their phones while they eat takeout.
I liked to cook. I wove rugs. I spun and dyed my own wool, right off the sheep's back. I had stuff because I did stuff. and my house always looked like somebody had tossed it.
Shamers can all kiss my flabby old butt.
littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)I can picture that in my mind. I have the makings of a kindergarten or a fancy daycare if someone were creative and had the will.
EuterpeThelo
(329 posts)I am the sole keeper of pretty my family's entire history. From my grandfather's violin that went to WW1 with him to my great-grandmother's china doll and the button hook for her shoes, from my grandma's teacups/saucers and her hand-made linens to my mama's Franciscanware dish set and mid-century modern furniture, from the solid wood and leather bar that was my dad's pride and joy (even though he didn't really drink, LOL!) and his autographed baseball signed by the 1961 Yankees, to my brother's Bye-Lo baby and comic books...a few of my grown daughter's most beloved childhood books and toys and things she made just for me with her own then-tiny hands.
Then there are my own collectibles - vinyl albums and assorted rock 'n' roll ephemera, much of it rare or signed, 13 bookshelves of books (many also rare/signed, including but not limited to autographs from Helen Keller, Vincent Bugliosi, Ken Kesey and Bill Clinton, just to name a few), a few Madame Alexander and Barbie treasures, fairy and unicorn figurines, my travel magnets that represent how lucky I've been to knock off SO MANY of my bucket list destinations...all of which I've been curating since I was about twelve (so nearly 45 years).
Is some of it in the garage or storage? Sure, because my home is just 1,350 square feet and my brother's place is so small we still have to get a hotel when we go up to visit him and my SIL.
Although the house is pretty full, it's super organized. I use vertical space to the max and have so much of the aforementioned displayed it's like a wonderful museum full of curiosities.
Anyone that tells me I need to just throw that stuff away like trash can GFY. I've had to deal with it every time someone in my family died. Yeah, it's a hassle and it hurts. It's also part of respecting that person's life and all they experienced and I consider it an honor to have been entrusted with everything they loved.
Plus, I can't count the number of times I've saved myself an enormous hassle when my computer keyboard died in the middle of a busy workday or I suddenly needed a zip tie for something because I could just go out to my garage and get one instead of having to stop and go to the store or waste time and $ on DoorDashing the item.
One of my daughter's friends recently said to me that she loves my house because it is warm, cozy and she loves that I have surrounded myself with items that hold special meaning to me. Not much of it is worth a lot of money, but we Cancerians are the most sentimental sign of the zodiac; memories of home and family are what "sparks joy." Especially now that so, so many of my loved ones have gone beyond the veil ahead of me, it gives me comfort to handle things they once touched.
Maximalists unite!
"I want to lead the Victorian life, surrounded by exquisite clutter." - Freddie Mercury
AllaN01Bear
(29,402 posts)littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)Coventina
(29,677 posts)AllaN01Bear
(29,402 posts)i have model trains , my nephew gets those . he can do what ever with them when i croak.
mtngirl47
(1,242 posts)My kids don't want grandma or great grandma's china. My art isn't their taste. I've been told that decorating for the seasons or holidays is ridiculous (usually when I ask for help!)
So I will go forward with the things I love....I will use the china and not worry about chips any more. And then when I die they can sell my stuff or donate it.
I am currently scanning photos and putting them on an Aura screen that shuffles the photos. It is so much fun to look at the electronic photo frame and see days gone by! I will leave the actual photos to my children and let them decide if they will throw away several generations of history.
At the end of the day I enjoy my cozy home with the mementos of my life around me, some great music on the stereo, and a good book!
BigmanPigman
(55,101 posts)Thank you for this post...it made my day. That's what I'm doing and that's how I feel and why!
LoisB
(12,969 posts)going to Michaels for more yarn and Barnes & Noble for more books. Might even pick up another jigsaw puzzle somewhere.
The Madcap
(1,895 posts)And ditch that which I don't. I don't need five plungers for three bathrooms, for example.
QueerDuck
(1,668 posts)🫂❤️👍
ms.pamela
(88 posts)LisaM
(29,624 posts)I am tired of people saying they are environmentalists and then spurning family household goods. I am not talking about stuff that is torn or dirty or broken. I am talking about full sets of dishware that's perfectly usable that people won't keep. It's better for the planet!
I use a lot of stuff that belonged to my partner's grandparents, mostly late 30s, early 40s, including glass juicers, rolling pins, measuring cups, serving bowls, and whatever else I can find. A lot of it is far better made than things you can get now, for one thing. In fact, I am sitting on one of their dining room chairs right now.
EuterpeThelo
(329 posts)We inherited all of my mom's kitchenware when she passed five years ago and some of it was her mother's. I LOVE watching my daughter make our cherished family spaghetti recipe using the same food mill that her great-grandma used!
When my brother comes down to visit, he often opens a drawer and sees some utensil or other - something as simple as an ice-cream scoop or a spatula - and he sighs contentedly and smiles, "It still exists!" It's just one more way of making my family, who has been rocked by loss after loss, feel like they can still come home..
littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)niyad
(132,205 posts)littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)
niyad
(132,205 posts)littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)He would have to be exceptionally patient and forgo potty breaks.
There are more modern handcrank versions though. Maybe he has one of these:

niyad
(132,205 posts)to help!
littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)I'd be happy to just have you at my party. ❤️
niyad
(132,205 posts)littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)niyad
(132,205 posts)littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)stopdiggin
(15,415 posts)Evolve Dammit
(21,766 posts)Prairie_Seagull
(4,676 posts)Aristus
(72,126 posts)Yeah, I'll bet she's read fewer than thirty books in her life. And good for her. Her limited, closed-in, restricted, unimaginative life.
I own about 3,000 books, and I love them all. Nobody tells me how many books to own. Unless their advice is: "More!"
niyad
(132,205 posts)niyad
(132,205 posts)One time, as he was going on about his latest fiasco, he looked at me and said, "why haven't we ever dated?" I replied, "Because you don't read. You even questioned why I have so many books, magazines, and newspapers." He didn't get it Ah well, I saved his life anyway when he went into diabetic shock.
Aristus
(72,126 posts)Im tempted to pity people who dont read. But it keeps turning into contempt.
niyad
(132,205 posts)a great deal of amusement. Yes, I am that warped!
Agree about the rest as well. It is one thing when a person cannot read, but different when they simply do not. I will always remember a friend's son, who had severe dyslexia, but worked very hard to overcome it. He called me one day when he was about 25, all excited because he had just finished reading an entire novel, and loved it. I knew the novel, so we spent time discussing it, and I was able to suggest others he might likee. He told me he felt like he had entered a whole new world. Today he is a paramedic. I remember a saying (Twain?) "To the person who does not (cannot?) read, the world is a closed book." I was so privileged to see the world open up for my friend's son.
3catwoman3
(29,345 posts)I would love to have floor-to-ceiling library style bookshelves with the ladder that rolls from one side to the other.
If I have really enjoyed a book, regardless of genre, I am a re-reader. I know a lot of people scoff at that, with the rationale that, "You already know what happens." I counter that with pointing out that people will watch a beloved movie many times, or listen to a favorite song hundreds, maybe even thousands of times, so what's the difference?
eppur_se_muova
(41,889 posts)My Dad used to complain that Mother and I had both had "too many books". I have dozens of books that I refer to over and over again. I'll probably never be really "through" with them.
Not every book is "read once and dispose", nor does every person read such books. If all you ever read is commercial popular press, yeah, you can make do with thirty -- or fewer. State-of-the-art technical books ? You can't risk not having the ones you need for your work (and "work" is not just what you get paid to do).
FadedMullet
(904 posts)niyad
(132,205 posts)Joinfortmill
(21,086 posts)littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)I love my stuff. Especially my books and art.
I just hope my hier and her partner when/if she wants one are careful digging through my two barns 'cause there're snakes out there.
I guess I'll have to nail notes on the doors to curb their enthusiasm.
🤓😀❤️
flvegan
(66,243 posts)she stopped being all "keep only what sparks joy" and got more like "meh, I guess a bunch of stuff is okay."
hamsterjill
(17,558 posts)I'm the opposite and the more I can get rid of, the less I have to dust, etc.
But that's the secret - to each their own, and it's for no one else to say as long as they aren't paying the bills.
stopdiggin
(15,415 posts)The one I really like is, "If you haven't worn it in the last 6 months .."
Please tell me you are joking .. ?
I will take your hand off at the wrist .. !!
And the other thing that springs to mind. Is there absolutely no financial factor or constraint - for the people engaged in this round of pious purging and 'unburdening'? No thought of .. at some point .. having to replace .. ?
"Little different world than the one I live in sweetie!"
TBF
(36,573 posts)you enjoy your collections
and I will keep all my books!
littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)Raven123
(7,785 posts)BidenRocks
(3,231 posts)I have lost my sentimentalism. So much obsolete or unneeded stuff.
Nobody wants my stuff and it would be better to find a home for the best stuff, cause when we die, it all gets tossed.
Sad but true.
My wife is not well and a lot of the stuff is hers.
I hope to end up with a large closet for the stuff I just can't part with.
I have the Time Life book series on the old west. Nice set, 45 years old.
Anyone want it?
Coventina
(29,677 posts)I rented some storage space when I was in a nomadic period of my life.
During the 5 years I had that space, the space was broken into, and a lot of stuff was stolen.
Then, someone near my space set theirs on fire for insurance money.
I cleaned out what I could salvage and vowed at that point that whatever I can't have in my house I'll light on fire myself.
littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)Has a bookrate, and you can add postage to the selling price. If it's good enough for Stephen Colbert...
Colbert ebay: https://ebay.us/m/FaXMYV
Anyone's inclined to buy proceeds go to World Central Kitchen.
Keep the faith, BidenRocks.
OnionPatch
(6,327 posts)Im enjoying it until the end. Ive regularly gotten rid of things I dont need throughout my life, but I also have a lot of stuff I like and Im keeping indefinitely. Im not going to sit in an empty room waiting to die just because I reached a certain age.
niyad
(132,205 posts)niyad
(132,205 posts)or "after such and such an age, you can't/mustn't do/wear/eat/drink. .whatever".so-called "experts" show up on my feed. Why, I have no idea, as they certainly do not relate to anything I watch on youtube. Who are these people? What are their credentials/qualifications? On what do they base their lists? I do not give one single, solitary, flying f*** what these completely-unknown-to-me talking heads has to say.
Circumstances over the years have had me downsize drastically, so I treasure what I have.
BeneteauBum
(447 posts)If you live by other peoples opinions, youll never be happy. Ive preached this all my adult life and my daughters have found a lot of personal solace appreciating that thought.
Peace ☮️
usonian
(25,103 posts)
It's quite simply "Do you own goods, or do they own you?"
I have ALWAYS valued things for their expected future value or usefulness. When I moved to the wilderness near a well-known national park, I thought that friends would drop by and enjoy the scenery (almost a nice as that national park, on a much smaller scale, and no parking problems) and gourmet preparations.
Nada
So, I gave my daughter a lot of expensive cookware to sell on Craig's List and keep the money.
Lately, as I approach {redacted} years, I just don't need the isolation and the maintenance on the "Ponderosa Ranch" here, so I am downsizing to give me more options for a move where stores and services aren't a 50 mile drive. And that is based entirely on "Did I use this in the last 10 years here?" and "Will I ever need this again?" which will vary a bit with the destination.
When water started pouring in the window frame during a storm, I had the "magic" waterproof tape on hand, same for the bend in the gutter. One of the big achievements was finding electronic versions of 15 totes worth of printed books that I paid good money for.
The only really problematical item is the historical microcomputer. Museums seem to only want autographed stuff, or expect me to pay shipping on 80 or more pounds of gear. But I am concentrating on odds and ends. "It will work out"
BELIEVE ME. I was married for 27 years to someone who gave me the daily "Throw, Throw" speech. It was quite the experience from hell, but I stayed in order to be the best Dad I could be to the most wonderful daughter imaginable. And it was worth having my own Marie Kondo at home all that time. I am truly made of steel.
But I'm practical. My Dad collected Madonna statues, the religious kind not the pop kind, and I gave all but two to my ex. He also collected cow creamers. He started collecting when he saw a purple cow creamer on a visit to Maine. I kept a few and let my niece have the rest of them as mementos. I don't have many sentimental pieces. An old mechanical Spirograph, a couple of small slide rules to shock people with, as I calculate gas mileage faster than Siri can!!
So as not to ramble (more), People should understand that many people collect things out a a feeling of lack, somewhere in the past, and, humans being a bit cantankerous, myself VERY cantankerous, one should understand causes and effects and help people feel more themselves and less dependent on "things".
I remember very little from the previous 30 or so years, compared to the treasure of raising a great kid who is now a great adult. These are "treasures of the heart" ... (except that wonderful radial arm saw .... sigh)
Dad was an artist who used brushes, oils and canvas to create. My grandfather was a carpenter who used tools to build. I admit it. Dad had 3 or 4 tools, that's all, so I compensated, though most of my time now is spent on the artistic side, with photography and music (when not repairing gutters).
When people don't understand something, they devalue it to zero. I forgot who said it, Alan Watts? That people we call materialistic are the LEAST materialistic. They don't have things for their intrinsic value, like a piece of olive wood I have with beautiful grain and veining, but just its cash value. It's as if weight were a measure of value, or how high you can pile things, or how "All my friends have Porches, I can't make amends".
Of course, besides the artistic side, I have the tinkerer mentality and the coolest thing ever was that transparent wristwatch. You didn't have to take it apart to see how it works (admittedly, it was little more than a tuning fork). I did take lots of things apart, though. And as for computers, I built them from kits with bare boards and a big bag of parts. I have a good feel for what's going on with this computer in front of me. and an appreciation.
But ultimately, we are in an extreme capitalist culture of endless duplication. Everyone has the same items they rarely use and never share or exchange. This is especially hard on older citizens, and I am focused on a more "sharing economy" having gone from a family "compound" where three brothers, my dad and two uncles, lived in adjoining houses, and we had old world traditions, to my own family. Three in one home, and then two homes and now three homes, all with expenses and taxes and duplicated thingys. Not saying we need to move back together, but that things should be easier to share "just in time". They are soooooooooo far away.
At the very least, we should have communities where someone is nearby to help in a pinch.
Community is not a "thing". It's an idea with practical action as a result. And good feelings.
And Marie Kondo BUYS her friends.
JoseBalow
(9,448 posts)pulling a train of FIVE shopping carts, with a baby-stroller caboose.
delisen
(7,350 posts)I guess they want more business?
I consider a wide range of behaviors as typical or normal. I like cluttering people and minimalist people. I am not so fond of judgmental people, particularly those who also choose to couple that with ignorance
littlemissmartypants
(33,334 posts)My mind, my hands and heart with. It's part of how we can enjoy being alive.
I even cherish the ghosts of my ancestors. They will never leave this land, home, and barns. I couldn't give them away if I tried. I wouldn't dare.
Thanks so much for the discussion, Coventina.
❤️
JBTaurus83
(1,343 posts)Family heirlooms and such are what makes a home cozy and unique. I wouldnt get rid of my collection of things either. I try to pick up one unique item on each trip I take.
3catwoman3
(29,345 posts)Although I sometimes admire the pared-down minimalist look in other people's homes, in magazine layouts, or on-line articles, it's just not me.
I particularly treasure a picture wall I have with photographs of ancestors, many of whom were born in the 1800s, so I never knew them. My husband keeps suggesting either putting them in an album or going digital, but I like looking at them. It makes me feel connected to my family history.
I get emails from various life style gurus about, "Never paint your bathroom this color," or, "10 things to get rid of RIGHT NOW," or "This trend is so yesterday." If I like something, I don't give a damn about "expert" opinions. It's my house, and I'll surround myself with looks that I like.
I do have way too many clothes, and I am working on changing that.
Figarosmom
(11,824 posts)My daughter tells me to start throwing out stuff and that I have to move in with them.
Told her that's not going to happen.