I need to apologize to all here,

[kozar]

If I posted something out of line
As most you know, I spent 4 months in hospital because of a stroke.
Now I'm no expert on strokes, but I'm home again and have bouts of anger, mostly because I have to walk with a cane or walker at all time, and sometimes , just standing up, is a chore
When I was in hospital and started my donation page, DU gave more than any other group I posted that fundraiser to.

I just want say ,

I'm truly sorry for any angry posts I made.

Koz

[EdmondDantes_]

1. Hopefully you continue to heal.

Definitely sucks to go through.

[MacKasey]

2. Hi, glad you are back!

Just very happy, you are back!

Hope you are well and taking one day at a time!

[malaise]

3. Look here

&t=20s

I haven’t walked in your shoes my friend

[kozar]

10. Oh my dear

I listen , try to sing , the title song, I just end up crying , it just ends up reminding me of LilBit, she was so wild at heart

Koz

[summer_in_TX]

14. ...

[malaise]

16. Crying is good

but you still have to look for the rainbow

[kozar]

19. Can't be

A rainbow without the rain? Nice brain poker

[malaise]

22. For. you

[kozar]

26. Absolutely not fair,

When I sang, and LilBit listened,,
I always sang this, to her

I'm gonna,need some time now

[malaise]

27. Think of the good times

and smile . I know it’s hard.

Listen to this one - the great Ernie Smith - he left this for us

[Vinca]

4. We all have our days.

[LoisB]

5. We are glad you are getting better.

[mountain grammy]

6. Koz.. many of us here are old. I sure am. damn, whatshisname is in his 90's

I don't have a clue what you're talking about..

keep getting better.. hope you live at least as long as me and that other guy.

Good picture on your GFM page.. my second son is a Douglas, and a finer person you'll never meet.

[kozar]

48. Ok Grammy. Brought a😁

To my face, the name Douglas, I've always hated, for some reason, I have 2 brothers, Steven and David
So 1 day I was a bit bored and googled what does the name , David, mean? Of course it's biblical and King David,
Did the same for Steven, it refers to the crown,
And then I typed in Douglas and it said

From the dark water,,

Seriously!! Now I know why I hate my name

[mountain grammy]

53. My first born is named David..

always loved that name. When my second son was born I had only a girl's name in mind but he just didn't look like a Deborah..haha.. After 3 days I settled on Douglas, his father's choice. but my mom insisted his middle name be Ernest, after my dad.
Someone once asked mom if her grandson was named after "the great" Douglas MacArthur. My parents were both Marines and MacArthur was no hero to Marines. Mom was so horrified to hear that she started calling her grandson "Ernie" She was the only one who ever did and he loved it..they had a specal bond.

All the best Koz.. hope you continue to heal and get stronger.

[underpants]

7. ❤️

[LatteLady]

8. Normal after a stroke until the "new" brain learns itself

Pls don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve been through a lot. It will get better.

[WinstonSmith4740]

9. You never have to apolgize to us, Koz.

This place is family and we're here for each other. I have some experience with stroke effects as my late husband had a nasty one back in '96. Anger? Please. Who wouldn't be? So stop worrying about everything except you getting better.

One ask! Do your physical therapy. My Mike COULD have had a total complete recovery, except his stubborness came out in spades, and he convinced himself everything would come back on its own. Once he started walking, he wouldn't do anything else. Work that therapy!!

[kozar]

13. Oh I do all my PT

Exercises before I I even have breakfast, I do extra exercises before I sleep , I have a leaded dog thunder blanket and , before I fall asleep I put that on me and do 50 heel slides with each leg. Not an PT approved exercise, but it make my legs stronger.

[WinstonSmith4740]

17. So glad to hear.

I know it's not easy.

[GoodRaisin]

11. I can certainly relate.

A spinal cord injury left me in the same state, suddenly always having to walk with a cane or walker and barely able to stand up. Not to even mention the chronic pain. It’s a hard change to suddenly have to become acclimated to that way of life. Sometimes the anger is just a relief to the frustration of it all. I know, and wish you the best in your recovery.

[Omaha Steve]

12. Post the fundraiser again

[kozar]

15. Steve, no,

I posted that while in hosp and I lost some control over my finances,, I'm through that now, and actually, closed that fundraiser.

Koz

[Omaha Steve]

23. OK

[Joinfortmill]

18. Best wishes. Get better soon. Stay cool. It's all good.

[1WorldHope]

20. Koz, it's been a few hard years for you.

Nobody can blame you for being pissed off sometimes. But, I think being aware of how it affects others around you is an impressive life achievement. I didn't read anything mean from your posts. If you are angry, you are not alone here.
Keep up the good healing work, but eat more ice cream. 😂

[Dave says]

37. I want to second that

Eat more ice cream!!

And may your recovery show progress quickly.

[Tetrachloride]

21. Very glad to have you back.

[Kali]

24. EarlG is a saint

[BigmanPigman]

31. Hear, hear!

[betsuni]

46. Indeed.

[richdj25]

25. I had a stroke back in November 2020

Was angry just like you. Had to stop taking it out on the world, because no one caused what happened back then, except me. Just went about trying to get better, both in the physical and especially the mental. Today, am much....much better with the attitude. Some of my motor skills aren't what they use to be but can go about and get things done on my own.

Please listen to your physical therapist. He/she can get you going in a very positive way.

Take care

[Teacher of the Year]

28. My acute stroke was in Aug 2024.

My husband and I had never had a fight in our 18 years. Never raised our voices. I had never been anything but mildly annoyed on our worst days, and we've travelled together.

I found myself angry and yelling at him a month or so after the stroke.

And the look on his face made it terribly clear that something inside me was off and he was frightened for me. The Dr put me in counseling and soon after I had a PTSD diagnosis (in several areas). The stroke had taken down all those defenses we humans build up to get through crappy times and it was all hitting me at once. Bad stuff.

I've responded well, have not yelled at my husband again (unless he is upstairs and I'm asking if he wants a snack or something) and have come to accept that I am different now but in a way I can live with.

Forgive yourself, my friend. There is some clarity to be found as you figure out the new you.

Life just put a mountain in front of you. Damnit. Now you have to choose--sit or start climbing. But here is the deal, as you climb, you get stronger, and as you get stronger you will claw back parts of your life and in that comes small victories, medium victories and giant ones and you will celebrate again. Last month I added up some numbers in my head. It was the first time I've been able to do that since the stroke. And, just like that, this flood of relief and confidence hits as another part of myself clicks back into place.

Good luck on that journey.

[spanone]

29. K&R

[BigmanPigman]

30. You've made many similar posts throughout the years.

Why are you apologizing for only this one in particular?

[kozar]

42. Uhm interesting post,

I didn't, apologize to a specific post, I apologized for my anger.
Which, was caused by my stroke and,
Can you? Tell me, where I stated a specific post?

[Kali]

43. for example

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210722423

this thread was before any stroke (or any of the things that have befallen and "caused" anger)

[kozar]

45. Oh and 8 year post Kali?

And I made an apology, why are you, bringing this up?

[questionseverything]

47. He apologizes all the time too... it doesn't hurt anyone

[kozar]

49. Uhm allow me to explain, in detail

4 months ago , I was sitting in the same chair I'm in right now, and didn't feel right. A bit of a FF , I spent the next 4 months, learning to walk again, talk again, and after being carried out of this chair,
I walked back to this chair.
And through my journey, I made 1 promise to myself,
Be better, tomorrow.

And , I am better, not physically but mentally, I'm better,
Why?
Im simply alive, after being clinically dead.

So reply away , at my posts,
I'm
Still

Just, Koz

[Clouds Passing]

32. Your struggle must be tough, kozar. A little snippness is to be expected

[H2O Man]

33. It happens.

All of us have our "bad" days.

A little over 20 years ago, I was in a vehicle wreck -- not my fault! -- and had my back crushed. It took lots of surgery and 2.5 years of PT until I could walk pretty safely again. My primary doctor still scolds me for not always using a cane or walking stick. My balance has not been very good, and I fall a few times per year.

Then, a decade ago, returning after being at the Golden Gloves for a few days, my large dogs knocked me over, and I hit the back of my skull on the edge of the island in the kitchen. I was out cold, despite two dogs licking my face. Luckily, my son saw what happened, and came in to pick me up. I waited the required three days that Irish males must, hoping things would improve. They didn't. So my summer vacation was spent in the ER and ICU, as I had a blood pool on the brain and "dead brain matter." For over two years, I had real problems with facial recognition, which was frustrating.

Hence, for over two decades here, I have had episodes of being a jackass. It happens!

[hamsterjill]

34. Koz, we aren't like Republicans.

Once you're part of us, you're part of us. We don't throw "ours" to the wolves. DU is home, and it's your home, too.

I hope you continue to recover well and that only good things come your way.

[Evolve Dammit]

36. No apologies needed Koz. Take good care and all the best to you! ED

[mr715]

38. Get well soon.

Feel better.

[calimary]

39. Hey, we all do our best in the "muddling through" department.

And sometimes there’s just a need to VENT, DAMMIT!!!

I don’t think you could find a more loving, patient, supportive, and experienced bunch to vent TO, than you find all over this site. Seems to me, every one of us, whether in THIS community or other ones, has had rough stuff to get through, and/or somehow come to terms with. If you’re currently living and breathing, you’ve VERY likely been through at least a “thing” or two.

[Celerity]

40. I hope you soon get better m8.

[haele]

41. No probs, strokes are evil little demons.

And you're either marginally or absolutly not in control, which is F'ing scary.

[Marie Marie]

44. No need. this is DU - we love you no matter what.

[wolfie001]

50. I missed the whole thing but best of luck!

Good luck in your healing.

[Karadeniz]

51. Glad youre back !!!!!

[IbogaProject]

52. No worries

And we just had a thread a couple of days ago asking how you were as you din't post since 4/22. Just so you know we are rooting for you here.

[SupportSanity]

54. It takes time. Remember this: You are harder on you than we are.

Forgive yourself first. Life's short. We are all prone to everything everone has been through on this board.
Good luck.
Keep posting when you can.